Written by Fragmeister
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Friday, 30 March 2007

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Paul McCartney

Sir Paul McCartney is taking the possibility that he might get taken to the cleaners by his estranged wife Lady Heather very seriously, it has emerged. In a statement by his publicist, McCartney is quoted as having taken a Saturday job in the Chichester branch of Starbucks where he will be operating the machine that makes normal coffee go all frothy, thereby adding a lot of volume and a huge amount of profit. "Reminds me of me wife" he said, sticking a thumb up.

While Dame Heather has been twirling about the dancefloor on her prostesis in the American version of Celebrity Bruce Forsyth, Lord Paul has also been recording a new album which, he hopes, will achieve higher sales than his last album, Crushing Bore In The Back Garden, which is said to contain veiled references about his decaying marriage. The new album will be given as a free gift to anyone buying two coffees and a Danish pastry.

Past it rock musicians have been trying new ways of flogging dead horses, or new albums, in the past few years. Bob Dylan, 65-ish but with a face many decades older and a voice that makes Janet Street-Porter sound attractive, managed to give away a handful of CDs when customers who should have known better bought a frilly nicker or two in Victoria's Secrets, a chain of undergarment shops in the USA. Now if only Syd Barrett were still alive, he could re-release Arnold Layne on the same principle.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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