(AP) Freeport, Bahamas - Anna Nicole Smith was finally laid to rest today on a secluded beach in Freeport. Her remains will remain where she apparently wanted them to…stay.
Because of a drawn out battle over just where her body would spend eternity, the corpse had suffered some damage from decomposition. "Much of her head, arms and lower extremities have already broken down," said Becker Brunswick, mortician. "She still looks good everywhere else, though."
"Good thing those jubblies were fake, eh," asked a Canadian tourist who happened to be present during Smith's burial. He then ran over and took a picture next to Smith's body with a shit-eating grin and two thumbs up before being shooed by Howard K. Stern.
"I just worry about predators," said Stern, Smith's most recent toy, "seagulls, pelicans, crabs and necrophiles could disturb her final resting spot." Stern ran to chase away a sea turtle that attempted to bury an egg in Smith's right cheek.