Written by Kagendo
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Tuesday, 27 March 2007

image for TMNT protested by PETA, protested by AI, protested by ACLU, protested by CCA, protested by AU, protested by Rev. Phelps
Boxy the Turtle, one of four Turtles and a Rat Alleged to have been Kept in Substandard Conditions

TMNT, the new CGI movie based on the comic book "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" opened to throngs of protesters of all persuasions, most of whom were protesting each other.

Firstly there were large, dramatic protests by the animals rights group PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals).

"Those cute little turtles, in the flashback scene?" said a distraught-looking teenage girl who refused to give her name, "Those were real little turtles, and the conditions they were kept in... oh it's so disturbing."

But PETA was not the only group on hand for protest. They were in fact, themselves, being protested by Amnesty International, who abhor PETA's practice of putting animal rights on par with, or even above human rights.

"There are hundreds of large-scale humanitarian crises around the world today," said Amnesty spokeswoman Karen Darrow, "and it is irresponsible of PETA to try to focus international attention on the plight of a few turtles, when so much human suffering exists in the world."

The ACLU - American Civil Liberties Union - was also present, protesting what they say is Amnesty International's attempts to silence PETA's free speech. The ACLU was in turn protested by The Christian Coalition of America (CCA), who were protested by Americans United for Separation of Church and State (AU).

All five organizations, and the movie itself were protested by the Reverend Fred Phelps, who held a sign reading, "Thank God for Dead Turtles and Fags."

TMNT took in $25.4 million in its opening weekend, topping the action blockbuster "300" which was only protested by the National Historical Accuracy Society (NHAS) and three angry Iranians.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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