Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Tuesday, 27 March 2007

image for Prince Harry to go on intensive drinking and fighting training tour of Dublin pubs.
Irish Premier Bertie Ahearn helping George Bush out with a bit of Dublin home grown earlier this month.

Dublin - Hot on the heels of Gerry Adams and Ian Paisley agreeing to share power in Northern Ireland the Irish government offered another gesture of good will towards the English nation today when Irish Premier Bertie Ahearn offered to take Prince Harry for a tour of duty around some of inner city Dublin's rougher pubs.

Speaking on national television in Galway this evening Mr Ahearn said "Well, we've made the offer and were fairly confident that it will be accepted, I spoke to Mr Blair this morning and he was very keen on the idea, relations between our two countries have never been closer and it really is quite sad to see the third in line to the throne staggering around drunk and swinging punches at three in the morning.

The young fella is obviously in need of professional help, luckily here in Ireland we have some of the best drinkers and fighters in the world and what with the massive influx of migrant workers from Poland our reputation can only improve."

Mr Ahearn said that they would ease Harry into it slowly with a few nights out with Bryan McFadden and U2's Adam Clayton before building the young Prince up to the stage where he would be able to go on a three day session with Colin Farrell without making a total gobshite of himself.

If he lasts the pace we will set him up with a night out with the Clonkill Curlers ladies Camogie team in the midlands, that'd make a man of him.

He added that with Harry's military training at Sandhurst he may even be able to get through a friendly game of Hurling later in the month before quickly adding that Hurling in Ireland is a violent game played with sticks as weapons, and not puking ones royal guts up as the little bollocks normally does.

Peter O'Toole has been put on standby as a technical advisor and also because he is the only posh paddy we have that Harry would be able to understand.

Arse, Feck, Girls!!! It's all here.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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