Written by Jalapenoman
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Thursday, 22 March 2007

image for Anna Nicole Smith DNA Paternity Test Results Released
Anna Nicole's baby was not happy to learn that his father was Richard Simmons

The famous Anna Nicole Smith DNA (from her baby) has been released and the father of her baby has been determined to be.....exercise guru Richard Simmons. Paternity tests showed a 99.725% chance that Simmons was the biological parent of the child.

The announcement brought shock and surprise to all of the men wanting to be the father so that they could raise the child and, more importantly, control Anna Nicole's fortune.

The announcement also ended weeks of speculation over which of the possible lovers (or ex lovers) was the daddy. Others said that it could be a semen donation from the dead husband or recently deceased son. Famous Hollywood writer Buck E. Filbert even suggested that Britney Spears could be the father.

Simmons is famous for his exercise program, in which he calls overweight women "fat cows," his deal-a-meal diet program, his "Sweating to the Oldies" videos, and his portrayal of Tinkerbell the Fairy in the Disney Peter Pan cartoon.

Simmons, in San Francisco for a gay rights parade and bake sale, could not be reached for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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