Hollywood - (ReUterus): Take one wacky self-publicising Hollywood cult exponent and wannabe world redeemer.
Add a UK Hellfire Club Tory perjury jailbird and his latest biblical conspiracy theory.
Throw in a plotline that even makes Pope Ratzinger beam with pride.
And what do you get?
Tom Cruise auditioning for the lead role in Jeffrey Archer's The Gospel Acording to Judas, a fiction that has been blessed with the Vatican's official Imprimatur following the damage limitation disaster of the DaVinci Code.
Cruise is Scientology's blue eyed savior whose relentless dedication to self-reinvention as a talented heterosexual film actor is now on its third marriage.
His luscious 28 year old current wife and adorable baby girl give credence to a fairytale ideal spawned with the same megabux determination as the rebranding of the Bushes.
And Archer? An ex-Tory Party chairman and inveterate liar jailed for such whoppers that even Hellfire compatriots dumped him as crass.
Now rehabilitated as a talented (sic) writer his latest offering plagiarises previous published attempts to sanitise New Testament scapegoat Judas Iscariot by remodelling him along universally accepted modern rehab lines.
The Judas movie is to be shot on location in Holy Land and has been financed by Zion Oil backers.
Auditing for the rest of the cast is expected next week.