Written by Joey da dog
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Monday, 19 March 2007

image for Hermione quits Hogwarts - actress to be replaced by Virgin Mary
"Harry! Some bloke in a flowing robe just got me with an Ineffabilis Deus curse."

Emma Watson is quitting her role as Hermione in the Harry Potter film series, despite an offer of 808,874 galleons and 4 sickles ($3.9 million) per film, and as much butterbeer as she can drink. The sixteen year old actress fears she is at risk from the evil Typecasting spell which can only be countered by appearing on stage naked.

Her wand will be picked up by sixteen year old Keisha Castle-Hughes, the New Zealander who at thirteen became the youngest person ever nominated for an Academy Award for best-actress for her role as Paikea in 'Whale Rider'.

Keisha's last role was Mary in "The Nativity Story", premiered at the Vatican last December, which Pope Benny declined to attend because Keisha was pregnant.

Christians all over the world were inexplicably outraged that the Mother of God should be played by a sixteen year old girl who had conceived a child out of wedlock.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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