Sydney - (Ass Press): Australian entertainer and royal portrait artist Rolf Harris is to unveil his latest celebrity painting of the topless reclining figure of Pope Joseph Ratzinger relaxing in the Vatican's private hot tub.
Flanked by altar boys carrying the ecclesiastical equivalents of exotic bars of soap, perfumed anointing unguents, bath salts, back scrubbing brushes, KY Jelly, moisturising lotion etc, Papa Ratzi has that enigmatic smile usually associated with the TV character Uncle Fester from the Addams Family.
And a curiously reptilian look about him that has sent UK alien conspiracy pundit David Icke wild with joyous self-satisfaction.
The portrait is said to have been commissioned last year and took many afternoons of gruelling sittings in steamy Vatican circumstances.
Ratzi's personal minder, the hefty Teutonic bull dyke Sister Ingrid Stampa, watched like a hawk all the time while constantly clutching a concealed handgun under her prayer missal.
The picture's official unveiling is scheduled for Palm Sunday, April 1st.