To a hushed crowd of street people gathered at the foot of the equestrian statue of George Washington, in Union Square, New York City, the Dixie Chicks announced their "Triumph of the Chicks Tour."
"We are starting the 'Triumph of the Chicks Tour'," said Chicks' spokesperson Natalie Maines, flanked by Martie Maguire and Emily Robinson looking resplendent in their Soviet Army helmets adorned with red stars, "To show that we can still pack the large arenas with our fans. The fascist conspiracy led by Bush will not be allowed to throttle the voice of the proletariat as they struggle for a just Communist society. The regressive forces of bourgeoisie fascism will not be allowed to murder the freedom-loving members of al-Qaeda nor pollute the earth with their greenhouse gasses."
With her newly awarded order of Lenin shining in the March sun, Ms. Maines said "Bush is the last hurrah of the old order. He stands at the last door barring our entry into the world envisioned by Marx, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao: where all people are equal, but some people are more equal than others."
The "Triumph of the Chicks Tour" began immediately with a free concert on the platform of the W train of the New York Subways. Although billed as a free concert, several times during the performance Ms. Maines stressed that the Chicks were accepting tips.
Other Tour Date:
March 24. Hoboken, New Jersey at the Erotic Emporium. As a special treat to their fans the Chicks will wear G-strings and accept one dollar bills neatly folded and placed in the appropriate location.
April 1. Waycross, Georgia at Bubba's Play Land. The Chicks will be performing between "Georgia's Largest Ferris Wheel" and the booth of "Madame Destiny-The Gypsy Fortune Teller" weather permitting.
April 7. Orlando, Florida at Marine Land. The Chicks will be performing between Orca Shows on this date. As a special treat, their fans will be able to watch the Chicks feed raw herring and squid to the Orcas for three days before and after their concert.
The Chicks' assure us that this is only a tentative schedule and that other tour dates will be scheduled as public lavatories and bus station waiting rooms become available.