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Topics: Rosie O'Donnell

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

image for Rosie O'Donnell Lists Her Other Inversion Therapies
"I was actually upset when Rosie admitted that she liked me. Did anyone ever ask me if I liked her?"

Talk-show host and well known lesbian Rosie O'Donnell made headlines last week when she announced that she has suffered from depression for years. She then proceeded to use the stage on her show "The View" to demonstrate her method of battling depression: by hanging upside down like a monkey in a swing!

She calls it, "Inversion Therapy." (It should be noted that thousands of viewers who witnessed this event ended up in emergency rooms claiming to be suffering from "digestive inversion" as a result of seeing O'Donnell flailing around in such contorted positions.)

To the surprise of no one, Ms. O'Donnell had even more to say about herself this week. She claimed that hanging upside down in an unusual harness wasn't her only form of inversion therapy. Although no one asked, she then proceeded to list all of these "inversion therapies" to reporters.

    Comedy Inversion Therapy: O'Donnell used to be a well known and slightly funny comedienne. However, about six years ago, she decided to become more immersed in her inversion therapy by removing all humor from her act.

    Honesty Inversion Therapy: This part of her therapy began when she broke her agreement with Actor Tom Selleck to only interview him about his upcoming movie and not his National Rifle Association membership on her former talk show. In the true spirit of her therapy, she "inverted" her word and started berating him about his association with the gun lobby, after promising not to.

    Logic Inversion Therapy: It's unknown if O'Donnell ever actually possessed logic, but if she did, she definitely quit using it over the course of the last few years. Some of her notable moments of "logic inversion" were when she called rival and prettier television personality Kelly Ripa a homophobe over an incident involving a singer who has never claimed to be gay; various accusations of treason towards American leaders that clearly did not qualify for such accusations; and the time she told the American public that her Broadway show was worth going to see.

    Sexuality Inversion Therapy: Although, this one was not confirmed by Rosie O'Donnell, some sources claim that she never was a "closeted" lesbian in the past; but that she was actually a heterosexual. Her lesbianism was yet another choice she made in 1998 as part of her "inversion therapy", and also a ploy to steal all the postive press being sent the way of one, Ellen Degeneres.

Although Rosie O'Donnell has shined a public spotlight on inversion therapy; the public does not seem to be having much of an "inversion" in their opinion of her: they still hate her!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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