Written by Egg Man
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Tuesday, 13 March 2007

image for Was Beethoven Deaf?
Deaf As A Door Post

Ludwig van Beethoven (?-1847) who was possibly one of the greatest composers of slow boring music with occasional meaningless moments may not have slowly gone deaf as has always been thought.

The musician's piano has been found under an old carpet in a cellar of an ale house in the red light area of Bonn. As reported in old documents the legs had been cut off the piano so as Beethoven (Wiggie to his friends) could stretch out on the floor to "feel" the pianos vibrations through the floorboards as he played.

A dusty note found in the piano tells a different story.

Beethoven was a filthy dirty man who washed only occasionally with his clothes on and would often treat other people badly; this has been kept a close kept secret by his admirers who can only see good in the manic depressive musician who quarrelled bitterly with his relatives on many occasions.

The note tells how his ears would fill with wax making his hearing poor, the note also tells how by using one of the piano strings Beethoven would "rake" the wax out of each ear and then applying it to the piano top would rub it in for a deep lustre.

After one such "rake" Beethoven poked the wire in his ear so far it came out his other ear with his eardrums attached.

Beethoven wrote Six Bagatelles for piano with the piano string still perturbing from each ear.

The wire came in handy when performing his 9th, he would stick his cigarette on the end just like Eric Clapton when trying to play the blues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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