Written by Amateur Scribe
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Sunday, 11 March 2007

image for Hurley Wedding Rights Flogged to "Asian Babes"
"Your serve, love"

In an embarrassing administrative blunder, the exclusive image rights for Elizabeth Hurley's wedding to Arun Nayar have been secured by down-market hardcore jazz mag Asian Babes.

The extravagant ceremony in Jodhpur, India was due to be covered by Hello magazine, but in a comically inept piece of PR high-jinx, the signed contract ended up on the desk of smut-peddling porn baron, Richard Desmond. Not one to miss out on such a coup, Desmond switched the publication names using his fabled TipEx trick.

An insider at the reception said nobody twigged until the photographer finished setting up his equipment.

"I remember thinking it was a bit odd that there were so few flowers and ice sculptures but an overabundance of whips and other sexual paraphernalia," the source recalled. "He was also being a touch over-friendly with Liz. At one point he asked to take her sari off the shoulder and suck on her finger suggestively. I thought he was just doing that cheeky banter that photographers do. But when he asked Shilpa Shetty to come over and grab the bride's arse, I knew we had a big problem."

A tearful Hurley had to be comforted by guests as notorious playboy Arun was snapped in a series of increasingly provocative poses with a harem of scantily clad dusky maidens. Eventually, inevitably, he ended up in an unscheduled and somewhat unorthodox game of table-tennis with a Thai lapdancer.

Desmond was unapologetic over the mix-up. "We signed a contract - end of discussion. Frankly, I think the whole party would have been better if they'd all followed the groom's enthusiasm and got into it a bit more. But on the whole I'm very happy - this should be our biggest-selling edition ever. That will show those lame charlatans over at Razzle."

The fall-out from the gaffe is continuing. The PR officer who misplaced the contract has been fired, Hurley and Arun are already seeing a marriage counsellor, and wedding guest Elton John has left long-term partner David Furnish and set up home in Bollywood with a 20 stone Indian porn performer called "Big Al".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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