Written by Mark Lowton
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Tuesday, 6 January 2004

image for Celebrities Jump on Homosexual Band Wagon En Masse
No wonder her husband left her.

Hundreds of Film, TV and Music celebrities world-wide have admitted their persuasions and joined the gay community.

"It is chic." said pop star Madonna, "And it's been no secret that I've been interested in women for a while anyway, so I just decided to go the whole hog. It's fantastic, I feel liberated, and I've got loads of money from interviews and stuff. I mean you just can't buy this sort of publicity!"

The list of now gay celebrities is too long to list in full, but a selection include: Creator of The Simpsons, Matt Groening, Clint Eastwood, Colin Powell, Cliff Richard, The Dalai Lama, Britney Spears, and Dale Winton.

Analysts predict that these celebrities will profit at least £16m by coming out. The magazine, newspaper and TV interviews will be endless and advertisers will have to pay a higher premium to star these celebrities in their ads. Another revenue booster for these celebs will come from the gay community directly.

One gay man's testimonial is proof to this, "I don't buy music normally, but I was always attracted to Cliff Richard, now that I know he's gay, and I've got a slight chance with him, I'm gonna buy every CD he's ever made!"

After recently proclaiming he is definitely not gay, Tom Cruise is set to miss out on a predicted £260m total earnings from movie contracts, interviews and gifts from gay fans.

Bad luck Tom, better luck next time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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