Written by Doug Powers
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Tuesday, 6 January 2004

image for "Seinfeld" actor Jason Alexander aroused, thinks he married Britney Spears
"Oh yes! Hey, where is she?" --actor Jason Alexander

Actor Jason Alexander, the short, stocky and balding actor of "Seinfeld" fame, awoke this morning after a long night of partying, and was stunned but visibly aroused after reading the USA Today and learning that he had married pop star Britney Spears.

"Yes!" Exclaimed the actor. "Where is she? Bring it on!"

Alexander's highly libidinous attempts to consummate a marriage that doesn't exist is sad to some of those close to the actor, but nobody wants to break the news to him that it was a different Jason Alexander that Spears married.

"He's just so happy. Look at him," Said to a close family friend, as Alexander jumped in the air and clicked his heels together while planning a shopping spree at "Victoria's Secret" for what he thinks are the forthcoming wedding night festivities. "It hasn't occurred to him that Britney hasn't called him, and isn't anywhere to be seen."

Other family friends are worried that the actor will be devastated after he reads tomorrow's paper and discovers that Spears has had the marriage annulled.

"He'll be crushed", said the family friend, as Alexander put satin sheets and rose petals on his bed, fluffed up the pillows, and danced around to "Oops! I did it again!" which is now continually blasting from the stereo.

"This marriage was his dream come true, so, until he gets tomorrow's paper, we'll just let him have his fun."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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