NEW YORK, NEW YORK--(Rutoids) Simon Cowell, television star judge of the popular singing competition show, "American Idol", was rushed to NYU Medical Center in critical, but, stable condition following a marathon 14 hour day taping, of this weeks show. The other co-stars Randy Jackson & Paula Abdul rushed to the hospital following the announcement of Cromwell's plight. "American Idol" now in its sixth season premiered to 37.4 million viewers last Tuesday.
The Fox network's new on-air physician, Dr. Al Heimerz, came to his diagnosis while watching the host for the past several days. Recently hired for any possible situation due to the shows ability in attracting unstable personalities who venture in to audition, for a chance to come to Hollywood & become a singing star. Dr. Heimerz calls the shots when a dangerous situation is present or perceived. The Doctor came to his diagnosis while watching the host for the last several days and it was these observations which prompted the action taken by the studio's security.
"I noticed Simon's unusual behavior starting to manifest itself early on,'" Heimerz reveals, "but, did not take action until I felt sure I could build my hypothesis to an eventual conclusion. His unusual actions would occur following every singing performance. The singing would manifests repressed psychological trauma, causing foul & unnerving statements which would erupt into a salvo of repulsive, unpleasant & nasty outbursts belittling the contestants. My hunch paid off. Simon Cowell is suffering from: "Critical Condition"!
Ordering the security to capture Mr. Cowell, with the help of a gunny sack, they were able to wrestle Simon into the bag and tie it shut. He kept wriggling, but, soon settled down after security gave the bag the once over with their batons. Simon will be kept in confinement inside a rubber room for his own protection. The doctor reassures us that, "After a few tests and electroshock therapy he should be as good as...well...good."