One of the ever popular WWE diva's careers was utterly smashed this morning as amazingly nasty nude photos of him/her "placing a take-out order and twisting delivery into the rear of the building" were released to the public today, killing 45 and blinding dozens more. The woman/man, 445 pound Mr./Ms. Lakisharante Thelonious Chunkums, has been working as a WWE Diva since 2005.
How could so many die from these seemingly harmless pictures? We asked Bob Tunder, a neurologist from Pittsburgh University.
"On closer inspection of the photos you see that Lakisharante seems to be twisting her nutty professor back into her fanny pack-OH SWEET BABY JESUS! THE HUMANITY!"
Mr. Tunder suffered a coronary and is in the ICU this morning. He is listed as being in critical condition.
We followed up with John Renderston of William and Mary.
"MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"
After going through 34 more surgeons, historians, photographers, and professional transvestite nude picture viewers, a whopping zero survived viewing the pictures. Patients seem to have died of a wide variety of conditions, including shell-shock, pupil explosions, and turning into stone.
Ms. Chunkums and her two children, Brotorious Mufasa and Thunderstood Santangelo reside in Inglewood CA. Lakisharante will not be losing her job over the incident.
"I can see how people were shocked by this. Very few people know that I can shove my wang into my chung. I just didn't think it was necessary to tell everyone."