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Friday, 2 March 2007

image for Ted Nugent Vows To Hunt Down His Remaining Fans
One of Ted's Fans...and Possibly Future Victims.

Legendary guitar god, famed hunter, and certified lunatic,Ted Nugent has just signed on for yet another reality show with VH1.

The new series titled "Sweaty Teddy! Giving Back To The Fans!", issues Ted his most difficult challenge ever: to hunt down and kill every single person that purchased his latest album. All eleven of them!

This legendary hunter has faced down the fiercest of enemies before: antelope, elk, even bears! But they will all pale in comparison to his new reality show mission. Yes, Ted Nugent will have the undaunting task of finding and killing the most rarest of people: His admirers!

Said the always confident and never self-aware Ted from his front yard promotional press conference in Michigan, "I hear there's some guy in Myrtle Beach that bought my last album, (2001's "Full Frontal Nugity.") He works at some video poker place on the highway. That should be an easy hit for the Nooge. And there's also some broad up in Spokane with a copy of my record in her Section 8 home. I'll love getting that Welfare Queen, even if she's a fan.

"Look, I've hunted on five continents, and I've even seen Paul Stanley of KISS naked in our shared back stage dressing room a few years back. There's not much I'm afraid of. No other rock star could do this, but then again, I'm no other rock star, Jack! But if you doubt the abilities of The Motor City Mad Man here, then check out my show on VH1 later this Spring!"

This leaves the VH1 executives with what amounts to a "ratings catch-22": If all of Ted Nugent's fans get killed during the course of this show; who will be left to watch it?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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