Celebrity Big Brother housemates Lloyd Daniel and Joe O'Mira have become bitter foes in a love triangle with West Ham has-been Teddy Shirtlifter, 48.
Problems arose when Daniel was evicted from the BB House last month, and heard from friends that Shirtlifter had been visited by a "mysterious blond man" only days earlier.
The couple briefly parted, but got back together when Daniel's credit card was laughed at in Poundland.
Trouble was never very far away though, and when Joe turned up to "recover some fags" she had purportedly left there a few days earlier, it didn't take even the spineless, braindead Daniel very long to realise that, here was the mystery blond visitor her pals had seen.
According to nosey neighbour, Elsie Parker, the two fought like "cat and dog", and eventually called Jade Goody to come down and mediate.
"When Jade arrived", said Elsie, "the air turned blue with filthy language. It was 'F-this' and 'F-that'. It was so bad, that house prices in the area have plummeted."
Joe's mum, Barbara, 112, said:
"It's really shaken her. She thinks the whole world hates her, but I've told her there are folks out in Papua New Guinea that don't get Channel 4, and have probably never heard of her."
Even so, it's known that Joe has tried to take her own life by overdosing on chicken stock cubes. Sadly she failed, but made a lovely gravy in the ambulance taking her to St Sadcase Hospital. She remains an in-patient there, awaiting some much-needed plastic surgery.
Daniel has now been booted-out again, and last night checked into a Homeless, Rootless, Penniless and Brainless Project in London's East End.
Mr Shirtlifter refused to comment on his future with the ex-model minger, but did offer a tiny insight into his brief fling with peroxide witch Joe:
"I just fancied a bloke for a bit of a change."