Straight men across the world have lodged formal complaints against The Academy Awards this year for experiencing overwhelming feelings of gayness during the Oscar broadcast.
Hetero men, usually watch the Oscars to keep their wives happy, better to watch than argue. Men have always had a bit of a fear and trepidation watching the Oscar broadcast, it's just so gay.
After the Superbowl this year, with all it's homo erotic commercials, men are a little gun shy of big production numbers.
Billy Bob, a Academy Awards viewer this year said, "After watching the Night before the Oscars, the pre pre Oscar show, the pre Oscar show, The red carpet walk, then the Oscars themselves, I feel soooooo gay. Don't know if I'll ever get my hetero back totally."
It seem heterosexual males get very disturbed when thoughts of Oscar De Laurenta, Valentino, Calvin Kline and Gucci all spin their heads and make them feel gay.
Not only do designers floating in their heads make male heteros insecure but random thoughts like, look at Jennifer Biels shoes, how cute are those also become unnerving.
Head of the production, Sally Kellerman, said in a press conference, "We seriously doubt anyone can be turned gay by our presentation. Our Production may spark the gayness already inside someone but it certainty can't turn someone gay."
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Feb 25 2007