Channel 4 bosses have claimed that Celebrity Big Brother 6 will be the biggest and best yet. Bearing in mind what happened in CBB 5, with regard to the racist bullying allegations, this seems like exaggerated hype, but plans are already afoot to back up the claim.
The show's producers haven't said who the final line-up will include, but it is known that Jade Goody, the fat slug at the centre of the last series' international furore, has again been invited into the House.
"It just wouldn't be Big Brother without Big Slug", said Martin Desperate of C4, "and the public love her so much, we just had to ask her back."
Jade's mother thing, Jackiey - yes, that is the correct spelling - will also be asked back, but this time in a non-speaking role. She will be required to stand in a corner of the lounge, and be used as a one-armed bandit.
Also thought to be on a shortlist for the show is ginger-haired soldier boy Prince Harry, though his appearance will depend on whether or not he survives his Iraq adventure. If he does, he will be accompanied by his new bodyguard, Mr T.
Anne Widdecombe has been mentioned for her debating powers and sex appeal, John Prescott for his sexual appetite, and Morrissey for his confused sexuality, all three a barrel of laughs.
Braindead bimbettes are strangely absent from the prospective participants, C4 bosses reasoning that Joe O'Mira and Lloyd Daniel from the last series were difficult to surpass in that category.
Other "stars" under consideration are Snoop Dogg, Persil Washington and General Colon Power, the former US Secretary of State - all black people that Goody might potentially 'remonstrate with'.
Asked whether she was excited at the prospect of meeting with, and upsetting, more low-grade celebs, Slug Girl unleashed a tirade of abuse, using expletives not heard since the reign of King John.
After pausing for an hour to collect her thoughts, she finally spluttered:
"Prince 'Arry? Arl 'ave that littul twonk, win eye?"