Students at Buckley E. Filbertamous Middle School were surprised today after Britney Spears showed up at their school and volunteered to teach them the badminton birdie shot. Students sat in rows on the gym floor in their Physical Education classes to watch the salacious Spears (25) bend over, pick up the birdie and spank it into a five-gallon bucket 15 feet away.
Students cheered wildly after her best shot. Coaches at Buckley E. Filbertamous were impressed with the tenacity of the scantily clad Spears wearing only a tennis outfit and encouraged her to keep practicing her shots.
After demonstrating the badminton birdie shot, the bald and newly tattooed Spears demonstrated the ring toss. An expert ring tosser who tossed her wedding ring after only two years of marriage to dancer, Kevin Federline, Spears tossed her ring at a crate of Coke bottles trying to make it land over one of the bottles. It took several tries, but she eventually made it.
Before leaving the school, and, in an act showing real versatility for the star, Spears met with Language Arts teachers and helped them in their vertical alignment curriculum meeting in which teachers from the 6th, 7th and 8th grades tried to align their curriculums to accomplish the standards, or state mandates.
"Do you know how hard it is to achieve vertical alignment?" one teacher who preferred not to be identified asked. "It's about as hard as repairing the crack in your ass and 25 other students' as well."
Spears' favorite mandate lately has been former manager, Larry Rudolph, the Dali Lama and Yusuf Islam (former Cat Stevens) all of whom have been giving her advice.
During the meeting, Spears stated that NC State Competency Goal 2, Objective 2.01 stood out as her favorite mandate:
This one requires the studnut to anal eyes and evaluate informational materials that are red, heard, and/or viewed by extending certain body parts and looking at nude photos over the internet.
Before leaving the middle school, Spears couldn't resist having a little fun and going into the computer lab, removing all the filters on the computers that blocked websites containing nudity and logging all the computers in to: www.dailybuzzer.com
Students received the surprise of their lives when they entered the lab and saw all the nude pictures of Britney on the computer screens. Cell phones flipped out of pockets like switch-blades and phone calls were made home to unsuspecting mothers, with questioning voices and the words, "Has dad been here today?" reverberating all around the room.
In other news today, Spears playing hop-scotch with rehab. centers.