Britney Spears has been photographed the last few days carrying her dog, a Blackberry and a journal. Everyone has speculated as to the contents of that notebook. It seems Britney went into a local L.A. Texaco bathroom and left the journal behind.
The Spoof, through many negotiations, finally won the rights to publish Britney's heartfelt thoughts on the last few days. Here are highlights form those writings:
Saturday, I left that awful rehab last week, I mean I don't even like that old coot Eric Clapton's music and I hated that movie, Crossroads, and Antigua, it's too Caribbean for me.
Penis, Penis, Penis, I always seem to be thinking about penis, can't control penis urge. Mom tells me I have to straighten up, screw her, old dried up hag.
Thought so much about penis tonight I walked into traffic but someone caught me, they thought I was trying to hurt myself. I was too embarrassed to tell them I was penis drunk.
Sunday, Penis, penis, penis, that's all I did today was think about penis. The way it looks, the way it feels, maybe if I cut all my hair off I'd look like a penis and I'd become what I love, oh, that's just silly.
Monday, Went out partying today, danced my ass off. penis, decided to get a new tattoo, penis, went to my favorite Burbank tattoo parlor, penis, penis, get a little Ink, I think I'll get a penis tattooed next to my yoo hoo, that way I won't think constantly about penis.
Arrived at the tattoo parlor, cut off my hair, kinda look like a penis but not enough to be a real dick head.
Tuesday, Decided to listen to that old hag mother of mine, bet she never thinks about penis, checked into Promises rehab in Malibu, they were mean to me.
I ordered an appletini and they told me no appletinis here, I asked for a jack and coke and they laughed. Then they tried to make me go to meetings and tell people my experiences, they don't know me.
Later that night they wanted me to bunk with other girls. Britney don't play that, plus no matter how much I love vagina, there is no penis.
Stay tuned for more excerpt from Britney's journal soon on The Spoof.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Feb 22 2007