Justin Timberlake, entertainer, singer, and former boyfriend of Britney Spears, admitted today that Britney shaved her head to be closer to him. "It's an obsession with her," he said. "I shave my head, so she has to shave her head. I pull off Janet Jackson's top in a wardrobe malfunction, she forgets her panties in a wardrobe malfunction. I have a relationship with a hot blond (Scarlett Johanson), she has one with Paris Hilton. I perform at the half time of the Super Bowl, she does the Dallas Cowboys. She's got to stop doing this to me and to herself!"
"We were young and just kids when we were in love. When we grew up, we grew apart. She just needs to get on with her life and go on without me."
Britney could not be reached for comment. Staffers said that we could probably talk to her if we could track her down. Her schedule for today included getting a circumcission, joining a boy band, and enrolling in a peeing for distance contest. She was also planning on flying to Denver to attempt writing her name in the snow and practicing the "pull my finger" routine.