Hollywood Calif. The Los Angeles Police Department detectives executed a late night raid on a sadomasochistic sex parlor in Hollywood tonight. To their surprise one of the patrons turned out to be none other than pop princess Britney Spears.
Neighbors had been complaining regularly about all the noise coming from a residence on their street. Police staked out the location thinking it may be a drug house. After a two week sting operation they'd gathered enough evidence to obtain a search warrant and raid the premises known as, The Ball and Chain.
According to club patrons, Britney was known as Fido by regulars, she likes to be treated like a little doggie, eating out of dog dishes and getting spanked if she pees on the furniture. She's so adept at the, "good doggie game", she can lick her own genitalia.
Ms Spears was not cooperative with authorities, she remained in charcter barking and growling at officers, eventually a male German Sheperd police dog was brought in to subvert dominace over her and she just rolled over to get her belly scratched.
Lt. Dan Roor said, "it was pretty much a standard sex house raid until the slaves and gimps removed their hoods. I'm not into pop music so I didn't recognize her but the other officers knew who it was right away." When we came in she was tied up to a dog house wearing nipple clamps and a big spiked collar. There was even a pet identification on it, it said, if found, spank Fido, then return to, The Ball and Chain
Butch, a leather clad regular at the, Ball and Chain offered, "we never saw her with her hood off so we didn't know who we were abusing all these months. The only thing exposed was her mouth through the zipper in her hoody. I taught her to sit good, fetch a frisbee and a ball myself. She's a good doggie".
Even with her new bald look Britney still looks like Britney, the surprised officers arrested her and booked her on lewd conduct charges.
Ms Spears was held for two hours at the LADOC until the $10,000 bail was arranged.
No court date has been set, Ms Spears was unavailable for comment.
From the desk of
Buck E Filbert
Feb 19 2007