Written by aningeniousname
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Sunday, 18 February 2007

image for Tom Cruise: "I love sleeping with ladies!"
The famous Cruise smile, beloved of ladies world wide.

Hollywood - World famous heterosexual movie star and holder of strange beliefs, Tom Cruise, today revealed all, in an exclusive interview with The Spoof, telling without shame of his genuine love of women and his interest in "doing it with them."

Tom, 23, speaking from the comfort of his modest sixty eight bedroomed home in the Hollywood hills, told this reporter, "I think about ladies bits a lot, most of the time actually, sometimes I'll be sat doing my needlepoint, while watching Living TV and I'll have to put it down because I can't concentrate due to the constant images of mammary glands racing through my head."

Tom then went on to say how he and his new wife "do it" up to seven and a half times a day, "She says, I'm as virile and manly as any normal man, and if it wasn't for my love of embroidery and manufactured religion, she would get no rest at all!"

Speaking candidly of his "Religion", Tom was full of nothing but praise for what the bizarre cult has taught him, he sensationally revealed, "I first got into Scientology, as a way to stop me sleeping with so many ladies, I guess it taught me not to be ashamed of who I am, and to embrace my obvious heterosexuality with open non judgemental arms."

When asked of his friendship with one of Hollywood's other famously heterosexual movie stars, John Travolta, Tom's face lit up and he giggled like a school girl in a sex shop as he told how he and John sometimes prowl Hollywood bars looking for, "Ladies that will do it." He said, "We are crazy! Sometimes if we can't find any ladies to do it with, we will go to see a Julia Roberts movie together, just so we can look at her and imagine what it would be like to have normal heterosexual sex with her."

Tom also wanted me to make clear in this article that the interview was in no way connected to the release of his new film, "The Rudolph Valentino story" and that the interview was granted only because Tom felt the world ought to know how much he likes ladies and doing it with ladies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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