Britney Spears, in a Hollywood press conference, admitted that her vagina was out of control and had taken over her life. "It was just like in a Buck E. Filbert story," she said. "It's like it has a mind of it's own and is in total command of me. Now it makes me shave my head and look like Kojak."
"Last week, it made me put on a bikini in a New York night club. When I tried to check into rehab, it made me leave. It made me get tattoos on my head and neck. It made me take home two female strippers for a night of passion. It makes me keep it clean shaven and doesn't let me wear panties outside of the house. It wants to be seen and admired by everyoneIt's almost like it's possessed or something."
"Ever since Kevin and I separated it has been in charge."
Doctors at Charter Hospital said that Britney was just a nut job and needed to check herself in for psychiatric examination and needed to learn to keep her pants on.
Officials at the Vatican said that, while priests are used to working with demonic possession, they have never heard of vaginal possession. No priest was willing to touch this situation, but several nuns said that they would like to get a hand on it.
The vagina, which has a Brazilian passport, was not available for comment.