Britney Spears, trying to get her life together, appeared to be doing the right thing today by hiring British nanny and London cross-dresser, umbrella flyer Fairy Poppins to care for her two sons, Sean Preston (17 mo.) and Jayden James (5 mo.). It was rumored that the twenty-five-year-old pop princess had recently received a letter from celebrity Rabbi, Shmuley Boteach offering guidance to the young star and lambasting her for "permanently scarring" her kids.
"Once you become a parent," Boteach warned her, "life gets really serious...We can all pretend that life is one big party devoid of responsibility, but that all catches up with you. Soon your boys and their friends will be surfing the Internet. And when they see those pictures of you without your panties on, they will not know what to think. No son should ever be put in the position of having to explain to his friends why his mother is not wearing panties."
Spears, in an effort to heed the rabbi's sage advice, hired the sexually ambiguous Fairy Poppins to care for her boys and teach her a thing or two about parenting and giving spankings.
"I really want the best for Sean Preston and Jayden James and realize that my schedule can get a little out of wack and take me away quite a bit from my family," said the sober Spears. "I'm hoping that Fairy will take up the slack of me not being there and relieve me when I get home."
Poppins, London's dirtiest and most famous cross-dressing nanny, has a reputation for being a real task mistress and flying up fluzzies flues. Stern, vain and almost always cross, she has a magical touch that makes her wonderful, both for the children and for the intemperate Spears.
Some of the songs that the saucy Fairy likes to sing are:
A Spooful of Satire (makes the medicine go down)
I Love To Have Sex
Feed My Birdie
It's He She Cheri
Tingle and Trickle Part 2
Anything Can Happen
Slip 'n Slide
Poppins, at his/her job interview was reported to have blown other potential nannies for the job in exchange for them not applying for the Spears position. It was also reported that the queen flew to his/her job interview on a giant penis.
After the interview was over, Spears and the cross-dressing Fairy were reported to have joined hands together while the astonishing Poppins opened up his/her umbrella and lifted the two slowly into the air. After a few moments, it was clear that the insistently audacious Spears was not wearing any underwear, the pictures of which were reported to have crashed the internet again.
Other acts of magic that the flagrant Poppins performed was:
Mysteriously appearing and pulling Spears ripped underwear from her pocket.
Causing Spears to have an orgasm after clicking her finger.
Sitting on Spears staircase railing and sliding up and down.
Licking her fingers and causing Spears to become aroused.
Duets with Spears.
Teaching Sean Preston to bathe in the commode.
Pulling a man with an 18" penis out of her carpetbag.
Causing Britney's adult toys to come to life.
Causing a statue of George Washington in the park to get a hard on.
Putting Kevin Federline's attorney into a bird cage.
Stretching a piece of cloth over air and turning it into a bed to make love to Spears on.
Changing diapers on the ceiling.
And making the animals in the zoo sing happy birthday to Sean Preston.
Spears says that she is happy with the arrangement so far and looks forward to spending more time with her sons and the flamboyant Poppins.