Written by King David
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

image for Britney Spears Linked By Genealogists To Wicked Witch of the East
Wicked Witch of The East, Margaret Hamilton Britney Spears' Grandmother

Genealogists today linked pop diva Britney Spears with the wicked witch of the East from The Wizard of Oz. The wicked witch of the East was the one who was killed in the beginning of the story after Dorothy's Kansas home fell on her and left her two black and white striped legs and feet with red slippers sticking out from under the house.

Preliminary statements say that the witch was Spears' grandmother, Margaret Hamilton, but researchers were still waiting for confirmation from Spears.

When asked why they didn't just ask the mercurial pop star who her grandmother was, researchers say that would take all the fun out of it.

"We like to feel important," says researcher Sherlock Hemlock. "Besides, we're all trained in the science of investigation and Capital Hill is not letting us anywhere near them, so we have to keep our investigation skills sharp."

Genealogists became interested when they received a lead from Hollywood actor, Bad Boy Leroy Brown who played the head munchkin, mayor of Little Rock and lead the hearty chorus of midgets.

"Follow the yellow brick road!....Follow the yellow brick road!....Follow the follow the follow the yellow brick road...because, because, because, because, BECAUSE!"

It was also uncovered that the Tin Man, despite appearing outwardly decent in wanting a heart, was really looking to get laid. The other two, Scarecrow and Lion, were really gay men dressed in early drag and were just along for the ride with Dorothy and the possibility of seeing a good porno flick in Emerald City. Needless to say, they were disappointed after their arrival at the Wizard's Palace and all they saw was a large head with a protruding forehead on the screen and were mocked on their way home listening to bad munchkins singing:

"Ding dong the witch gives head...the witch gives head... the witch gives head....Ding dong the wicked witch gives HEAD!"

Conclusive evidence linking Spears with the wicked witch of the East was demonstrated after Bad Boy Brown's testimony that stated the witch was not wearing any underwear.

"After that house fell on her, I had a shot straight up the pipe and that witch was not wearing any underwear," he said.

In other news today, White House staff today are making new arrangements to accommodate the first midget president.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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