Written by King David
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Tuesday, 13 February 2007

image for Britney Spears Hosts New Adult Reading Show, "Between The Panty Lines"
Between The Panty Lines Will Air This Saturday Night at 11

In the same vein that PBS children's show, Between the Lions is designed to promote reading amongst children, Britney Spears will now host her own television puppet show. It will be called Between the Panty Lines and it will be used to promote adult literacy.

The main characters of the show will include: "Trogan" the rocking horse, "Valerie" the venereal disease, Lucy Lips and Vinnie Viagra.

In addition, other characters include: Clint the clitorus (a clitorus made to resemble a person); Baracle B. Busterfield III, a rock-hard statue that talks to gay men, Walter and Gaylord (the two original Dairy Queens), and they talk to (and annoy) him; Farty Smarty No Underpants; Heather Thesorest; Dick the tionary; Gas the Rolaid; Dr. Ruth V-Wordheimer; Sex Therapist, Dr. Sigmund Soda always psychoanalyzing the characters; and a variety of other dons who visit the library.

Between the Panty Lines focuses on teaching reading and a love of crotches to adults in a fun, informative way, just like how Mo jo jo jo would like it. He likes adults, sappy and melancholy. He likes reading to them and helping them. He like to touch them DEEPLY!

Among the educational techniques used by Between the Panty Lines are the following:

-Spankings: Every episode Britney gets spanked by Heather Thesarus and buggered by Dick the tionary.

-Sex on Screen: Frequently, key positions or entire sex scenes are shown on screen as the characters talk, with the featured letter or combination highlighted.

-Office Referrals: Every episode contains one or more office referral of one the main characters going to the office and getting flogged by the principal.

-Satire: Every episode contains one or more satire piece read by the main characters. These pieces tie in thematically with the rest of the episode and also serve as another way to present words with the featured sound in context, "Va...Va...Va..gi...i...na."

Sometimes the stories are real books (like "Gullivers Travels" by Johothan Swift) or well-known tales (like "Rumpledforeskin"); other times they are books that are made-up to fit the episode (like Dick the tionary's favorite book, "Nothing but My Nuts").

-Songs: Silly but informative songs sum up the rules of English spelling and pronunciation in easy-to-remember ways, with lyrics like "When two vowels fuck, the first one does the sucking" or "Even the blues would be blue without balls" and many others. Often the text of the song is shown on screen.

-Animations, skits and burlesque: A variety of porno animations, satirical skits and striptease show how words are formed by surprise and how one word can be changed into another by adding or removing letters, or clothes.

-Definitions: Whenever a long you know what, or unusual word stopper is used in intercourse between a couple, a quickie definition is given. Usually, it is subtly worked into the exchange like Astroglide lubricant, such as when Spears does a commercial for the product. Other times it may be provided in a humorous way, such as when Heather Thesaurus gets poked to define a word. Occasionally words may be defined by showing graphic pictures or other methods of the Kama Sutra.

-Repeated Vocabulary Orgasms: Various vocabulary words are introduced in each episode, ranging from simple, everyday concepts like "get lost" or "fuck off!" to more complex words like "dick head", "dictionary", or "Dick Cheney". After a word has been introduced, it usually is used a number of times throughout the episode.

In addition to teaching basic reading, pronunciation, and grammar skills, Between the Panty Lines also strives to promote a general love of viewing pop diva's crotches.

It explores the many folds that crotches can hide and shows how different people have different shaped crotches and trim their hair differently. It also demonstrates the value of popular culture and the importance of star gazing in other everyday activities like using a computer, cooking with a recipe, or finding your way in a sewage heap.

Some Between the Panty Lines episodes also deal with larger episodes related to pop culture: How to handle the scary parts of a tabloid story, for example, or the fact that it's okay to be a little sad if something bad happens to a character that you like in a book. It also shows how regular adults can use things that stars do as jumping points for their own imagination.

Above all, every character on the show expresses a contagious enthusiasm for Britney Spears' crotch, with the underlying message being "Pantiless is cool".

Between the Panty Lines will air this Saturday night at 11 on NBC (Not Before Cunnilingus) and will be taken off the clothes line after it dries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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