Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Michael Jackson

Monday, 12 February 2007

Celebrity Big Brother contestant Jermaine Jackson was proud of his performance in the BB House - but not as proud as he is of his little brother Wacko.

For Wacko, aged 8, is to undergo a pioneering process to become black again.

Wacko started life as a black singer with the Jackson 15, and became the lead vocalist at the tender age of 4 months. The group went on to record 87 hit singles and 29 no. 1 albums.

In 1979, however, Wacko, then aged 3, decided to break away from his brothers - Jermaine, Eustace, Petrov, Max, Jesus, Stonewall, Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan, Dogbreath etc - to record on his own. In the next twenty years he had 104 major hits, but these were overshadowed by major illness.

The star contracted a debilitating skin disorder called Lying Disease, which freezes ones age in a time warp, and turns skin pigmentation white.

This is where the term "White Lies" comes from.

Wacko spent years in the wilderness, and at his childish theme park called Neverlied, where he "entertained" minors.

He got married, and had a couple of ridiculously-named kids, one of whom he threatened to lob onto reporters from a Berlin balcony, to see if it would bounce.

Some of his older brothers, Rupert, Alginon, Spearand, Diana, Janet, Clement and Everard, said "He's a lovely person, but he should grow up and become black again. He looks like something you'd see on a ghost train."

Doctors believe they can reverse the process of "Lying", and that Wacko can become black again, saying that, so long as he leaves kids alone, there's no reason he should be able to achieve his former popularity.

Hairy, long-time close friend Bubbles said "He treated me very well. In fact, he was always treating me."

"Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ah-ah."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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