Wearing one of his signature fedoras but looking pale as Banquo's Ghost and pudgy as Brutus, Michael Jackson was out and about London Town. His usual retinue of paparazzi couldn't wait to hear Jacko's explanation for his new look. The normally shy superstar just smiled sheepishly at the flashing cameras and continued his walk.
Speculations flew like the flying rats in Trafalgar Square. Whispers of medications bloating the rock idol and drugs draining his already fading color chased after Jackson like a lynch mob.
Finally, Michael pulled up short on the steps to the British Museum, bared a toothy smile and revealed his secret to the pack of jackals: "All of my life..." he lisped in his famous falsetto, "...all of my life I just wanted to be William Bendix, tee...hee!"
And the phenom disappeared into the famous library.