Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Harry Potter, Satan

Friday, 2 February 2007

image for Latest Harry Potter Book Available for Pre-Order
The "evil incarnate" must be destroyed according to a reverend.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the latest in J.K. Rowlings series about a young magician, is now available for pre-order from Barnes & Noble bookstores. The novel, which will not be released until this summer, is the seventh and last in the highly successful series.

In the first twenty-four hours that the pre-order was available, Barnes & Noble, the world's largest bookseller, recorded fifty-three billion requests. This would make the new book the largest selling book of all time, passing the Bible. Rowling, the publishing company, and book retailers are all very pleased by these numbers.

Other people, however, are not. The Right Reverend Horace Gumble, who became famous several years ago when his church begin burning Harry Potter books, was not thrilled with the news. "Of course this doesn't make me happy," he said from his home in Alamogordo, New Mexico. "This series promotes the work of the devil, and now it is outselling God's own word!"

"There is not any such thing as a good witch or wizard. In fact, it says clearly in the Book of Exodus that 'thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.' I abide by that commandment, just like all others. This is the work of Satan and is evil incarnate."

"I guess it's time for another book burning out in the parking lot! We'll do it Sunday after the services and be sure to invite the tv stations."

When it was pointed out to the clergyman that the book had not been released yet, and was only available for pre-order through the internet, he was a little stumped. "Well," he said, after a minutes thought. "Then I guess we're just going to have to make the people bring their computers so we can burn them. They can bring them all, laptops, pcs, apples, the whole shebang."

Gumble was asked if he had always felt this way about witches and witchcraft. Specifically, he was asked if he had ever watched "I Dream of Jeanie," "The WIzard of Oz," or "Bewitched" as a child. "Of course, they were some good quality shows. I never did get to see Jeanie's belly button, and did have kind of a puppy love thing going for Tabitha, but that was different. It's just not the same thing."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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