Written by SamIAm
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Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Olsen Twins Nailed following a case of Mistaken Identity
One worker hung his hat on Ashley

Las Angeles - Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were celebrating the opening of a new Taco Bell by wearing sombreros, when they were mistaken for two nails and hammered into the drywall of a nearby construction site.

"It was a tragic mistake," said the Olsen twin's manager, Anthony Shultz. "Mary and Ashley both love Taco Bell. They eat a Big Steak and Bean Burrito every day - without the steak, bean, cheese, sour cream, salsa or tortilla. Today was special for them, though."

Shultz, 56, said that the twins were asked to appear at the grand opening and were told that everyone was wearing a traditional Mexican hat, or sombrero.

"They were so excited," says Shultz. "They went out and bought the hats that day."

The twins, who had once been reported missing after they had turned sideways and disappeared, were in high spirits. But their spirits were soon shattered.

"I turned to smile at them," says Shultz, "when suddenly this big construction worker guy walked up and just picked them up as if they didn't weigh a thing . . . which, of course they don't."

Shultz says that he followed the construction worker to a nearby building site across the street, where the worker quickly drove the twins into the drywall with his hammer.

"I started screaming for him to stop," says Shultz, "but it was too late."

Shultz says that he could hear the twins screaming, but their screams were soon cut short after only two smacks on each of their sombrero-ed heads.

"Someone's been stealing our drywall nails," explained Burt Gunther, 34, a construction worker for the city and the guy who 'nailed the Olsen twins'. "When I saw those two nails across the street in front of the Taco Bell, I knew those were mine."

Gunther says that it never occurred to him that the two "nails" might have been two under-nourished, anorexia-ridden stars wearing really big Mexican hats.

"They looked like nails to me," said Gunther.

The twins were quickly removed from the wall and sent to a nearby hospital for concussions.

"They were soon happy again," says Shultz. "They were hungry too! You should have seen all those ice cubes and lettuce slivers they ate! Those pigs!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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