Little remains other than some bones, hair, teeth and a large and tattered sequin jumpsuit, and reports out of Memphis today confirmed the worst: Elvis Presley is still dead.
"It saddens us to bring this news to the world," said Allison Thompson, press agent for Presley's estate. "The King of Rock 'n' Roll is still dead."
Hordes of fans flocked to Graceland, Presley's Memphis mansion, today to mourn this terrible turn of events.
"It's a tragedy, just a tragedy," said Velma Hyatt, 48, of Beersheba Springs, Tenn. "I just can't believe he's still gone."
Autopsy results confirmed that Presley is still dead from exactly what killed him initially - heart failure while taking a crap.
One mourner broke down while waiting in line to pay tribute to the rocker, who actually died in 1977 and has since completely decomposed. "Elvis lives!" the unnamed mourner cried out, while friends tried to comfort her. "Elvis lives!"
"No," Thompson said. "He's actually quite dead. We checked."