Written by kgramone
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Topics: Angelina Jolie

Sunday, 28 January 2007

image for Vial of Angelina Jolie Saliva Sells on eBay for $43,450
Hot on eBay, but still a narcissistic twit.

A vial of Angelina Jolie's saliva sold on eBay for $43,450 this week, with hundreds of bids pouring in for the rare and highly sought-after collectible.

Superstar actress and sex symbol Jolie, who famously yanked Brad Pitt away from Jennifer Aniston just to prove that she could, apparently was only 19 when the saliva dripped from her mouth following a drunken all-nighter with a guy she barely knew.

"I knew even then that she was a superstar in the making," said Chip Kiefer of Santa Monica, Calif., now a Chippendales dancer. "As soon as I saw her doing those Jager shots by the bar, I worshipped her. After I bought her a few drinks and we went home to my place and did unspeakable things to each other in my dorm room shower, I knew I had to have a memento. You know, something to remember her by."

So, when Jolie passed out, he placed a saucer under her mouth to catch the quickly-draining saliva while she slept off her bender.

Recently many other odd items formerly belonging to Jolie have sold on eBay, including a plaster cast of her teeth made when she was 16, an old lip gloss container Jolie used when she was nine, and her poop, left behind in a ladies' restroom at last year's Academy Awards ceremony and rescued by an opportunistic janitor.

Reached by phone, the winner of the prized saliva, whose eBay ID is "brangie_boy," declined to comment or to give his real name for fear of thieves and paparazzi hunting him down.

He did, however, say that he has named the saliva "Bitch Nectar," and will display it in a place of honor in his Angelina shrine.

Asked if he plans to offer human sacrifices to the divine spit, the auction winner cursed, mumbled something about the "blood of the innocent" and hung up the phone.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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