WINDHOEK, OSHIWAMBO, REPUBLIC OF NAMIBIA, AFRICA, WHATEVER--(UNASSOCIATED PRESS ) Standing in front of their home in South Africa, a relieved Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie thanked INTERPOL and Scotland Yard for the recovery & return of Angelina's poofy-lips from being sold on the popular auction website, EBAY.
"It has been a nightmare since I was violated in a burglary 2 weeks ago! No one knew who I was without them!" stated Jolie with tears running down her face, "I became so desperate, I had to run around with a modified toilet-plunger wrapped around my face with duct tape"
"Our love life had also suffered terribly and...," Brad confessed, "...I was moments away from giving my ex, Jennifer Aniston, a booty call."
Jolie recounted the events that evening, "I had left my lips in the usual place before turning in, a jar of formaldehyde by the bed before turning off the lights. The next morning they were gone. At first we thought one of our 216 adopted kids had taken it, thinking it was a hand stamp or squeeze toy. We found a ladder propped up outside our bedroom window & after seeing that we phoned authorities.
Head Detective, Jim Rockford from INTERPOL, had this to say about the investigation, "We followed the trail starting in Cairo, then to Istanbul. It then took a flight into Frankfurter, Germany, thru the town of pippilongstocking in Denmark, took a right turn to Gazoontight, Germany, when suddenly the trail got cold. We waited a week, with our feelers extended following one dead end clue after another with no word. Then, we got a call from Scotland Yard, that one of their maintenance employees, while searching EBAY for industrial fasteners & cleaners, had come across the famous kisser.
"We contacted EBAY who furnished the information needed to apprehend the one's responsible for posting the ad. From there we contacted the Nogales Police department in Arizona and in an early morning raid, arrested Abdullah Hareem Aboo-boo Doo-Doo Hoo-Doo in bed with his camel, Isis. When caught humping the double-humped animal, He said he was engaged to it. Police with weapons drawn asked Aboo to disengage and put his hands up. A search of the suspect's tent turned up the missing jar & its contents."
"We are pleased with the thorough and painstaking detective work put out by both agencies and the delicate handling of the stolen merchandise.", gushed happy camper Brad Pitt. Angelina smiled and added, "I'm happy, Brad & the kids are happy, our sex life is back on track and all the plumbing at our house is running fine."