Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: Reality TV, wedding

Wednesday, 17 December 2003

Confirming circulating rumors that have been the buzz of the underground reality TV circuit, Trista (of "The Bachelorette" and "Trista & Ryan's Wedding" fame) has confirmed that she is indeed with child... and it's NOT Ryan's!

The stunning confession has put the newlyweds' fairytale future in doubt. "I... I can't believe she did this to me," said a shocked and disappointed Ryan. "I had such big plans for the two of us." The TV world is said to be shocked and dissapointed as well.

In another bombshell, it has also come out that Ryan was not the father of the uborn fetal tissue.

"At first she told me that it was mine. And I almost bought it until I remembered that we hadn't had sex yet. Otherwise she would have gotten away with it." The TV world is said to be even more shocked and dissapointed at hearing this.

"Then she told me that there was no sperm donor and that the child she was carrying was actually a product of The Force," continued Ryan in this exclusive interview. "I believed her until friends, counselors and Obi-Wan convinced me otherwise."

The TV world was in a virtual coma after hearing this one.

When asked why they hadn't, well, you know, Ryan said, "I was in talks with the networks about our wedding night romp. I was pitching the idea of a spin-off show on the subject of and probably titled Trista and Ryan's Consummation."

The TV world is said to have perked up after hearing this.

Ryan went on to explain that his shock and dissapointment is not that Trista cheated on him. "That's expected and I can live with that. But now Trista and Ryan's Consummation is impotent-with no hope of resurrection. I've lost millions"

The network claims to have scrapped the deal because the fairytale magic between the couple is gone as evident by the lying, cheating and bored public. "They're yestermonth's couple," quoted a nameless and soulless television executive.

When asked if he had any other ideas for their future Ryan said his first idea after learning all this was to have a Trista & Ryan's Birth Delivery. "I was visualizing wide angle shots, slow zooms, and canal cams-all with lit candles and flowers placed in appropriate places to set the mood."

The TV world is said to have completely lost their lunch by now.

"But then I realized that the TV world would probably lose their lunch trying to watch this, so I've mostly ruled it out. However, Larry Flynt has made some interesting offers."

Ryan then went on to explain his idea of a detailed and intricate episode based on their life together after the infidelity confession called "Trista and Ryan's Domestic Assault" but was told that at best it would be a ten minute feature on C.O.P.S. which doesn't pay any moola.

So for now, Trista and Ryan's fairytale TV future is up in the air. As for who the father of the baby is, rumor has it that it's probably either pig-nosed Bob, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Larry Flynt or the Abercrombie and Fitch creative staff.

Yakkity yak, that's TV Talk!

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