Written by Jalapenoman

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Saturday, 27 January 2007

image for Katie Holmes Cruise Turns Down $2 Million Dollar Batman Sequel
Tom Cruise denies that Batman action figures are taller than him.

Katie Holmes has turned down a $2 million dollar offer to reprise her roll in the upcoming Batman Returns sequel, The Dark Knight. Citing scheduling conflicts as a reason, the woman who has not made a movie since before her pregnancy and marriage said that she will no longer kiss the caped crusader.

"Tom and I no longer feel that it is appropriate for me to be seen on screen kissing or having any form of relationship with taller or younger men. It would set the wrong image for our daughter and make my husband insanely jealous.

"Also, Tom and I strongly deny the rumors that he doesn't want me making this movie because the little Batman action figures are taller than him."

Katie is apparently choosing instead to co-star in a low budget comedy with Queen Latifah for only about 10% of her potential Batman fee.

During her press conference announcing the decision, husband Tom Cruise stood behind her, holding firmly onto her leash while bouncing up and down on a sofa. Katie was happily dressed in Catholic High School girl's uniform, reminiscent of her days on Dawson's Creek.

In related news, Holmes also announced that she was having six inches of bone removed from each leg to make her shorter than her husband.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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