George W Bush, who has been heavily influenced by the HBO mini-series Rome so much, that he changed his title from President to Tyrranus Rectum, has taken it a step forward.
After watching episodes of the ancient Roman history serial, Bush has decided to lead the army in Iraq: "Ah neva' knowed dat leaders went to war. When I saw that Julyus Cesar out there fightin' with the regula' army I said to Cheney-Dick,why ain't we out there like old Jooly? Dick started to pound on his chest like one of those SNL superfans and stuck a nitro pill under his tongue.I guess Dick is 4F but not me! Tyrranus Rectum was in the military once and Gol' Darn't I'm fitter than the fiddle ole Nero pizzaccatoed while Rome burnt!"
Sources say Bush ran straight down to the nearest recruiting station. After a battery of intelligence tests formerly used by chimpanzee trainers,the testing officer had some bad news: "Mr Bush, sorry, Lord High Tyrrannus Rectum, is that right? You flunked every one of the tests. Sad to say, this chile will be left behind..."
"Sheet!" Bush is supposed to have said, "And I thought I'd duh look sweet on a white charger leading the troops into battle!".
Meanwhile a military recruiter in Times Square said that a chubby faced older woman whose aides kept calling Madam Senator inquired about signing up.She is believed to have asked if they still had Cavalry positions.