Written by King David
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Thursday, 25 January 2007

image for L.A.P.D. and French Police Departments Face Off; Dance In Swan Lake Mating Ritual
French Police Officer, Cristoffe, De Larrain In Swan Lake Ritual Says, "All California Policemen Look Like Movie Actors."

In what is being touted as L.A.'s version of "Dance of the Sugar-Plumb Ferries" L.A.P.D. and French motorcycle policemen squared off with their Yamahas, curtsied to one another and began a week-long dance that culminated with the Golden Shower award ceremony.

Parisian officer Christian De Larrain says growing up watching "CHiPs" on TV inspired him to become a motorcycle cop. "All the California policemen look like movie actors," he says.

The French police officers were in town with their motorcycles to aid L.A.P.D. (Look, Asshole Pissoff Downtown) policemen in providing extra security for the Golden Globe Awards.

The French officers rode their sleek white Yamahas in formation like synchronized swimmers, or trumpeter swans during a mating ritual.

And if their dance was elegant, so were the Frenchmen, wearing crisp, tailored uniforms and black knee-high boots. Village people look-alikes, they also carried leather whips instead of guns since sex is more popular in France than violence.

The Los Angeles motorcycle cops were impressed and put on a little demonstration of their own firing volley after volley of rubber bullets while standing in riot formation. It was almost as if they were masturbating as the French police force drove by.

Eye witnesses say that there was a lot of chemistry between the two police forces.

"We couldn't believe what was going on," one person said. "It was like Marti Grais!"

As they drove by, the French officers wore big giddy grins and video taped the L.A.P.D. police officers masturbating, so they could show the folks back home. Many officers had to duck for cover from the flying ropes, which they later collected as souvenirs.

The French police were amazed by the L.A.P.D.'s show of force.

"It feels good when they shoot those rubber bullets at us," said one French officer. "It makes me want to take off my shirt and scream."

For officers Cristoffe, De Larrain and Vincent Village Person, the highlight may have been last night's Golden Shower Awards in Beverly Hills. Britney Spears, they say is wanted by the French police for indecent exposure.

But she was too slippery and got away.

And for a Frenchman in L.A., nothing was more American than a little Hollywood star gazing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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