Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 24 January 2007

image for Stargazers warn Scorsese Oscar will be posthumous
Posthumous Oscar glory?

Hollywood - (Rotters): Stargazers employed by internet spread-betting index Aintgottaprayer.com have warned that Martin Scorsese's Oscar-nominated movie The Deported is an RIP contender for a posthumous award as mobster cartels across the States accuse the veteran director of giving away far too many gangland secrets for their comfort.

The film's nomination for the top two awards - best picture and best direction - has seen a wall of money pour in for Scorsese to finally collect the prestigeous gong after a lifetime of spectacular near misses.

Some critics have attributed this to gratuitous use of puffed-up wannabe heart-throb Leonardo DiCaprio whose facial features and DNA bear an uncanny resemblance to the ageing Sicilian moviemaker.

The February 25th award ceremony takes place on a pivotal astrological day when gangland-ruling planet Mars enters Aquarius the Water Bearer, a sign traditionally associated with the movie industry.

The Motion Picture Academy has been adsvised to take extra precautions that day to protect its luminaries and reputation as the bookies' odds stack up for a re-enactment of seminal scenes from Gunfight at the OK Corral which took place under similarly portentious celestial omens.

Scorsese, 64, is a Scorpio.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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