Written by Red Dwarf
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Topics: Doctors, Hospital

Sunday, 14 December 2003

image for The $60,000,000 OZZY
An artists' impression

After the rock stars horrific quad bike crash, which has left him in hospital, doctors have decided that the only option for the shaky rocker is to become a Bionic man.

One Scientist was quoted as saying, "We can rebuild him."

The rebuilding though could mean drastic changes to his lifestyle; he will have to tone down his alcohol intake while increasing his motor oil intake. As the name of this article surgests Ozzy's new look will cost him the princely sum of $60,000,000 but it will provide him with a few new features, these will include:-

A Bionic eye- for spotting all the dog turds in his L.A. Home

A Bleep function- Should save MTV some money when they have to bleep the Osbournes next series.

Ozzy himself said "its f**k**g wonderfull they said they've got the f**k**g technology to rebuild me and they say they're gonna install a pooper scooper, which is f**k**g brill."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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