Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 22 January 2007

image for Paul McCartney's Ex to Receive Millions in Divorce Settlement
Paul won't be smiling too much after losing millions to Heather

Paul McCartney's Ex, Heather Mills McCartney, will receive a huge settlement in their divorce, according to news leaked from the court. Mills will receive several homes and cars, all of her clothes and jewelry, $63 million dollars, and Ringo Starr.

"I'm going to miss Ringo," said Paul. "He was one of me mates and the only other Beatle left alive. I'll think of him fondly whenever I hear Octopus's Garden playing in the lift (editor's note: elevator for Americans)."

It was noted that, after only a four year marriage, Mills was making thousands of dollars for every minute of that marriage. When it was pointed out to her that this was more than most professional athletes or musicians make, she said that "they probably never got the work-out Paul gave me whenever he got horny."

After taking the world's richest musician for millions, Mills said that she plans on going after the richest, best basketball player. "Michael Jordan is getting a divorce. Maybe I can take him for a huge settlement in a few years too."

When it was pointed out to her that Jordan was black and 6'7" tall and black, Heather said that, "it ain't the size of the man, or the manhood, that counts; it's the size of the bank account."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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