MIAMI, FLORIDA-(ROUTERS)The body of famed actress named "Queen of Science-Fiction", Jessica Alba, was found floating in a Miami Beach Hotel pool last night. Police officers converged on the grounds of posh Florida landmark hotel, Casa Casuarina, looking for clues and helping themselves to the nighttime donut buffet, featuring jelly & chocolate sprinkled pastries and STARBUX coffee, offered pool side.
The Miami-Dade Police Department Crime Laboratory Bureau Services were the first on the scene. Investigators, Angus H. Butler of Homicide Bureau & Assistant Director: James K. Loftus of Investigative Services, had this to say, "Boy those donuts sure smell good and the glaze ones are a knock out!".
Long time boy friend, Cash Warren, Executive producer of cheap skateboard movies and son of famous African-American actor Micheal Warren, when questioned by the baked goods savy police, did not appear to be concerned about her disappearance. He had this to say about his whereabouts that evening, " Are you sure it's her? Sometimes she vanishes when she turns sideways!"
Alba, well known for her roles in Dark Angel, Sin City, Fantastic Four and Maya in the Flipper T.V. series, was scheduled to start filming, THE EYE-YAY-YAY, a remake of the hit [Asian/Mexican] horror film in Albuquerque this month. The last time Jessica appeared in a public debacle was in March 2006 when an issue of Bulimia Today magazine, published her on the cover wearing a bikini.
Personnel began to lift the pale, malnourished & jaundice-colored, actress from the water, when suddenly, she came back to life! "I almost choked on my apple fritter when I saw that!", explained Homicide Bureau Chief, Angus H. Butler. "Jessica looking quite alive & angry asked what we were doing! I told her we thought she was dead." She answered, "You obviously don't understand the differences in Holly-WOODs, I'm categorized as a TWIG and Twigs float! I couldn't sink if I tried!"
Jessica continued, "...the only kind of Wood that don't float is Natalie Wood. A M&S Exclusive.