Great White Hunter Dick "Chainsaw" Cheney thought he bagged him a ringneck duck on his most recent hunting trip.
"Duck soup, was all I could dream about!". Chainsaw went home and put the bird feathers and all in the basement fridge. When wife Lynn,famous for giving birth to a lesbian daughter, went down to prepare Dick's duck,she got some surprise. "There it was staring right at me with more vengeance in its eyes than democrats before the midterm elections",Lynn "Lesbian breeder" Cheney exclaimed.
"I told the ringneck to calm down or I would call my Dick down here to ring his ringneck and finish him off. At that the poor thing began to weep!It told me about its rise to fame in those supplemental health insurance ads and how jealousy from other ad actors and famous ducks nearly drove him crazy!
"I felt so bad for the little bird that I brought it right down to the Goosecreek Wildlife Sanctuary".
That's where this reporter caught up with the convalescing feathered friend. Boy, can that Duck talk. When asked about the charges of jealousy concerning his fellow duck actors, did he tell all: "Daffy-don't let that cute speech defect fool you,that's one vicious creature! And Donald-Walt had it right about that temper-that piece of work is the anger management poster bird!"
When asked about his future plans he said that he would like to work on forgiving Cheney for shooting him and will be joining a support group of people who have been shot by this Dick. He mentioned that he was number 300 on the waiting list but a number of Cheney's victim were likely to die soon.
As for his future with AFLAC, he sounded bitter: "I'm paying Goosecreek out of pocket because my contract did not provide supplemental health care! Besides I'm tired of promoting the stereotype of the annoying noisy duck. Who do they think I am Steppin Fetchit or Jose Jimenez! Anyway, as a lame duck, Lynn Cheney told me I'd have some famous company..."