HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA, BABYLON--Pop star and high society flasher, Britney Spears, made a tearful plea yesterday at a news conference asking the public's help in locating the person or persons responsible for the kidnapping or whereabouts of her pet beaver, Vaginus.
Spears was heard saying between sobs, "It could be that someone with a personal vagenda, maybe muffed about something I said, came along and snatched, my hairy pal out from under me or In the intercourse of the evening, maybe while driving home last night, he may of slipped out some how or could of been ejaculated from the car, I don't know!"
After calming down the singer, she had this to say, "They tell us our pet's eventually define us and take on our characteristics and Vaginus, has such a sweet spot and quite genital. You can say he's not restless and I would describe his demeanor as conservative.
"I believe if allowed to vote he may of helped elect Bush and agreed with his policy on "the war against terror". I share a kindred spirit with my furry friend, a sort of personal monologue you might say."
"I allow all my pets to walk around freely on the grounds of my estate.", Britney recalls, " He would be up at the crack of dawn & enjoys running in the meadow, sniffing the Venus fly traps we have growing there. My other pet, Dick the ram, is so devastated and lonely missing his favorite playmate very much. Britney concluded with this last statement, "It's not like him to make like a banana and split. He use to come every time I rang his bell, but, not this last time."
If you have knowledge or information on this case please call the police or local office of the ASPCA.