Written by Fife Peterson
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Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Drawing The Line: Doherty hopes to get into Record Books
I walk the line says Doherty, "watch me hoover this stuff up!"

Singer Pete Doherty of pop band Babyshambles has announced he is to snort, uninterrupted - the longest line of cocaine in the world ever. Police officials have ok'd the event & it is hoped the singer will die & stop wasting Police time in future. The world record holder, Colin Rack from Upyournoseminster sank 3.7 miles of 'coke' last year, putting him top of a leaderboard that even Kate Moss hasn't been able to top.

Doherty 39, who has aged considerably since leaving former band The Libertines is said to be 'hyping himself up' in pubs & clubs around London this weekend in preparation for the event. The cocaine has been specially flown in from Mexico & officials say it's in it's purest form. Manuel Bigclobez, a cocaine smuggler from small town 'Lando Crackez', said today, "I cut this myself amigo. This is feeeeerking good sheeeeeeeeet, expect a good time Senor Doherty, ariiiiba heh heh heh!".

Drugs have been legal in England, Scotland but not Wales since June 2006. A gram of 'Coke' is now as cheap as 30p & is even on the dinners menu at most public schools.

Pills such as Ecstasy have topped a government poll & it's thought nearly 89.1% of young people under the age of 17 have tried doves. But no one's tried a pigeon.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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