Written by Blind Fool -••-
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Topics: Divorce, wedding

Thursday, 11 December 2003

Citing irreconcilable bank accounts, Trista and Ryan of 'The bachelorette' fame have filed for divorce just weeks after their on-TV wedding.

Ryan immediately stole that girl with the squeaky voice away from pig-nosed Bob of 'The Bachelor' fame (pig-nosed Bob was a previous reject of Trista's).

Dejected again, pig-nosed Bob decided to go back to Kelly-Jo (the girl that everyone else liked better anyway, yet he rejected for the girl with the squeaky voice - whatever her name is).

Kelly-Jo gave pig-nosed Bob a humiliating kick in the crotch and promptly informed him that she was now dating Sting.

So last night, Trista and Ryan had an on-TV divorce (but was not seen due to an impromptu news conference called by President Bush discussing Iraq's recent addition of the Fantasy Island Police Force and it's possible effects on the region's stability).

Following the divorce ceremony, the network sprang for a lavish reception in which all of Melana's rejects from 'Average Joe' served guests and bussed tables (except for Zack who was relegated to cleaning out the toilets with his tooth brush - hee hee).

Sting was the featured entertainment with Kelly-Jo playing both the tambourine and kazoo.

The menu consisted of an unknown grayish substance with moving parts and horrific order. The one to eat this the fastest without spewing would be declared the champion of something or another.

Pig-nosed Bob stood in a corner watching all the festivities, but was not recognized due to the fact that he was still recovering from his extreme makeover and fully wrapped in bandages.

In the shock sighting of the night, Joe Millionaire and Jason (the pretty man that Melana chose over Average-Adam) were observed critiquing the ball room's decor, and later seen outside on the balcony sharing a drink under the stars and swapping wassail recipes.

Melana later arrived (she was running late due to the fact that she couldn't find shoes shallow enough for her liking) and found her "boyfriend" getting too comfortable with someone else (Joe Millionaire) who was also prettier than she.

In a fit of rage, Melana summoned Satan from the underworld to do her evil bidding and exact revenge for this humiliation of being rejected. The destruction was catastrophic.

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was called in to do battle with the Prince of Darkness and clean the mess up. Compared to fixing California's budget crisis, this didn't seem that it would take that much effort.

For needed energy to do battle, Arnold ate a plate of the grayish unknown substance and won immunity for himself and protection from being voted out of office the next go-around.

Meanwhile, pig-nosed Bob passed a note to Melana (the one who had summoned Satan in the first place) with the question, "Do you like me? Yes__ No__ Maybe__"

Battling Beelzebub proved more difficult than previously imagined. Arnold was about to be defeated when a smiling Average-Adam came walking in. Light reflected off his pearly whites and shone directly into Satan's eyes temporarily disabling him.

Seizing the moment, the girl with the squeaky voice let out a shrill scream altering the demon's molecular structure causing it to finally explode.

Melana was escorted off to jail, pig-nosed Bob went home alone, and the 'Average Joe' rejects were left cleaning up the mess.

And that's your reality scoop for the week -••-

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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