Written by Jarvis

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Topics: McDonalds

Monday, 15 January 2007

image for Matthew Kelly arrested over turtle head food contamination.

Creepy television presenter and wooden actor Matthew Kelly was arrested last night after revealing in his autobiography he once scooped a "turtle head" out of his backside and wiped it on a Big Mac.

When he was a struggling actor Kelly landed a job in the Blackpool branch of McDonalds, he describes an incident that happened on the night shift, "they only allowed us a five minute toilet break at the end of each shift and I'd been touching cloth for three hours. I knew the customer wouldn't notice if I wiped it between the burger and the slice of processed cheese."

A spokesman for ITV stated that while they couldn't comment on this or indeed, any of Kelly's other criminal activity, they would not be renewing his contract to present Stars in their Eyes Junior.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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