Written by Lorenzo Lee
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Thursday, 11 December 2003

In a stunning announcement, Mick Jagger, erstwhile gigolo and frontman for the Rolling Stones, declared that he would not be accepting his MBE (knighthood) from the Queen unless he could "shag some Royal arse anytime he pleases."

Buckingham Palace was predictably offended by the turndown, saying that Jagger is exhibiting "ungrateful behavior."

"I couldn't go through with it," Jagger declared at his chateau in France. "After becoming a knight, where do I go? I can't become a Prince, a Lord, or a Baron."

Jagger was to be knighted "for his services to music" last year before the Rolling Stones Licks Tour started, but asked for a postponement due to the tour. Now just a few days before the ceremony, it seems as if he has spit into the hand that feeds.

"Besides, if I were to be knighted, Keith would have to knighted as well," said Mr. Jagger. Mr. Jagger, of course, is referring to his songwriting partner and guitarist for the Rolling Stones, Keith Richards. The two have wrote over 400 songs together since the band's inception in 1962.

Richards, however, was adamantly against Jagger's decision. "Mick should take this chance to be part of the establishment. It's such an honour. I would take that knighthood in a minute," the Prince of Darkness declared.

The Rolling Stones will be Rolling into Baghdad early next year for a series of desert shows. A DVD release is anticipated for the shows, tentatively titled "Iraq, Licked".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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